Thursday, August 18, 2011

LOA Reality Check #1 - Making Peace with Where You Are

In our LOA journey, or studies if you will, we hear this bit of advice (amongst many, many others) to make peace with where you are. What in the world does that even mean, and as Jeannette Maw often asks, what does that look like?

Luckily for you if you stumbled across this blog, I have an example of this from my own experience.

To set you up, I was in my early twenties, living in a boring, dumpy city, living in the same little house I had spent my previous twenty-something years, which was rapidly decaying. Grandma, aka Backbone-of-the-entire-family-as-I-knew-it, croaked a year after I graduated high school. Out with the living comfortably and stability, and in with the chaos. Mom was spending money on drugs and who knows what. We were constantly in jeopardy of losing the house. Mom would go on a rampage and rip up the flooring, or other various things that weren't looking too well in the house, though we had no money to replace it immediately (and still didn't over 5 years later). We lived with mostly concrete floors. I spiraled into a depression and weight gain that I never thought I'd see, and was too young to see.
I spent the first couple of years out of high school being a stay at home mom to my younger brother, trying to maintain a household on my own, hoping Mom would pay the bills.

During this period, I lost my Grandmother, and the first love of my life in a very messy situation. I got a job that lasted almost a year working at a well known retail store, only to walk out when one night I had a visual of seeing myself moving up the ranks there the rest of my life, living paycheck to paycheck.

It wasn't enough, and I was tired of my life living me. I was tired of feeling like a zombie on auto pilot. I walked out that night, and 6 months later enrolled in a community college.

For the next 2 years, I became a straight A student, and even got myself a student job that I loved. This is even when I discovered LOA teachings!

Still, when I got home, it was the same story. A messy house that was getting trashier by the minute, the rest of my family living in depression, and don't forget the drugs in the mix. I knew it was time for me to leave.

Being an excellent student, Abraham's words and processes were easy for me to get tapped into and really feel it. I could easily talk myself back into alignment, but it wouldn't last for very long. When I came down, I came down hard.

I got to a point where I completely surrendered to the Universe. I truly knew in that period of my life what they mean when they say "all you ever want in life is to just feel good", feel better, feel relief. I gave up the struggle and learned to let things go easily. I'd be upset a couple of minutes, and I'd talk myself back into alignment and just let it go. It wasn't worth it.

This is when I decided to make peace with where I was. I wanted to move out, but I had never moved out on my own before. I hadn't even received my first paycheck! I couldn't have even afforded a studio on the little money I made. I saw no way whatsoever. I just knew that things weren't going to change overnight, so I might as well make peace with where I was.

How did that look, you ask?

I started loving my house, despite the state it was in. I often asked myself "What would I do differently if I lived here alone, and this was my house?" The answer to that usually led to taking care of it as much as possible. One thing about this is that I had to give up the fight of trying to get other people in the house to do housework. At first it was difficult, but it became easier when I pretended that this was my home, and I was the only one who lived there, so who would clean it up, if not for me? I suppose I did make a game out of it.

I carried on that way for about two months. My vibration continued to raise, and I continued to feel RELIEF! Blessed relief!

In particular, I remember one morning riding on the public bus to the college. It was Spring in Southern California, and my favorite trees (Jacarandas) were in full bloom, along with Maple trees lining one of the longest roads on my route. Suddenly, everything looked absolutely, staggeringly beautiful to me. Sitting alone on the bus, possibly with headphones on, my eyes actually started tearing up. This was what "looking through the eyes of Source" felt like. It was magnificent. It was, and still is a very special moment in time for me. I knew I was on the right track.

So, did I get my happy ending to the house situation?

Yes, I did, although things usually happen in ways you don't expect them to, and when you're not looking (this is due to where you are on the belief/trust/expect/faith scale!).

One of the students I helped through my job who was actually my mother's age, we began to talk a lot. She knew things weren't the best at my house, and she offered me a room, with cheap rent to boot! She saw I was a great student and really just wanted to help me out, help me to shine. I took her up on her offer, as it felt right, and things have been awesome since then. I've been living with her for over a year now. Still a straight A student, happy and healthy, and actually have money in the bank!

Now, I believe I still would have moved out, but it would have been a tougher situation, and things would have gotten worse. In my surrendering, taking care of my vibration and letting go of situations that would easily upset me, and most importantly making peace with where I was (which meant walking the walk), the Universe was able to deliver me a fun and safe path to my desires. The Universe always has our back - I wholeheartedly believe this; but we often stand in the way. We want to know the how's, and we want to believe in statistics, how unlikely something is. When we can let the Universe take care of the "why" without looking over its shoulder constantly, we have definitely taken a leap in our manifesting journey.